OCD and The Illusion of Control: When Safety Becomes a Cage

There’s a part of us, perhaps buried deep or sitting right on the surface, that aches for certainty. We want to know. We want to be sure. We want to feel safe.

And so, we try to control.

For those living with OCD, this need for control can feel all-consuming. It isn’t about wanting everything to be perfect or tidy. It’s about managing the terrifying unknowns of life, the “what ifs” that haunt our thoughts. Compulsions and rituals become desperate attempts to protect, to prevent, to keep chaos at bay.

And at first, it feels like it’s working. You wash your hands, and the fear eases. You check the lock, and for a moment, you breathe easier. You replay a thought or avoid a trigger, and your nervous system settles. You research and google for hours, until it feels like you found an the answer. But here’s the truth: OCD offers the illusion of safety, not the reality of it. Because no matter how many times you check, clean, fix, replay or google, uncertainty still lingers. Fear still whispers. Doubt still creeps in. The goalposts move, the mind finds new threats, and control becomes a never-ending chase. OCD is NEVER satisfied.

Eventually, you’re not safer, you’re just more exhausted. More entangled. More afraid of letting go.

But here’s where healing begins: in the surrender.

Not surrender as in giving up, but surrender as in letting go of the impossible task of controlling everything. It’s in that space, where we stop fighting for certainty and start tolerating the unknown, that real freedom begins to take root. It may feel counterintuitive, but embracing uncertainty leads to the prison doors opening.

Through therapy like Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), individuals with OCD learn that they can sit with uncertainty and still survive. Still breathe. Still move forward. And slowly, the mind learns: I don’t need to be certain to be okay.

Control may feel like safety. But surrender is where peace lives.

Reflection Prompt:

Where in your life are you seeking control as a way to feel safe?